spilling

my plans for after graduation have been troubling my family for about a year now. they ask what i want to do with my anticipated political science degree and i simply answer, "nothing." to tell you the truth, that's what i also say when they ask what job offers i have lined up.


however, what i haven't been asked is what i want to do when i graduate.


(my dream job is to open up a floral shop.)


no one in my family knows that i have set up a few opportunities in the future. i am terrified to tell them that i want to volunteer. anything without a salary, business attire, or a gold plated nametag doesn't strike them as a mature, coherent decision. they love me and they are the most selfless, generous people i have ever known, but making a career out of this isn't taken too seriously-- unless i'm entering a convent.

this past winter, i worked in an all boys middle school through canisius' winter service week program. it was in the heart of a dominican and hispanic section of nyc and i have never experience danything like it. i would go on walks through the neighborhood and meet people who embodied why nyc is the greatest city in the world.


at the rectory where we lived, a woman named sister dorothy (a living, breathing angel) candidly said something that enveloped everything i want: "let's just live simply so that others may simply live."

how beautiful is that.

i saw a fence that was a glorious dedication to the families and victims of the world trade center attacks. it was covered in tiles designed by children from all over, whether or not they were directly affected by the events of 9/11. i cried. i was completely overwhelmed by their emotions, saturating the ceremic and giving hope to people they don't even know. it was contagious and it washed over every person who came across it.

the middle school and the students in it changed me for the better. their sincerity and acceptance was something that outweighed a paycheck or a bulleted point on a resume. i learned about their families. they tried to teach me spanish. i picked up "rojo" and i already knew "toro"; now i can order/demand a redbull en espanol. bueno.




i taught them that all adults have eyes in the backs of their heads and that once i took my high heels off, i could play basketball. so much of what we did was nothing like high school community service. it was meeting people and having conversations with people who don't judge you past your favorite television show (they couldn't grasp the fact that spongebob squarepants didn't make my top 10. or top 15. or top five hundred).